Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Soccer will never be popular in America for good reason(s)
  Sports piece by Ari Kaufman

Next week, I journey to “The Continent” for the first time. This eight day endeavor in Italy should be an appropriate appetizer to Euro culture—and despite some initial reticence, I do look forward to it.

However one “attraction” I don’t plan to seek out is a soccer match. I am an American, and American sports fans are proudly impervious to this “charm” of soccer that the rest of the world somehow admires so greatly.

I think this all makes sense, as soccer is a perfect game for “the world” which historically ignorant Americans seem so concerned.  Proud and honest Americans though, have always preferred sports like baseball, going all the way back to the Civil War—when much of Europe sided with the slave-holding confederacy.

Why is that the case? Simple.

Soccer, at least the domestic version we play, replete with orange slices and SUV-driving moms who are texting for brunch plans while their kids run aimlessly, sadly has no winners and losers. Goals are sometimes scored, but no one actually cares nor remembers which kid accomplished the feat. It’s something of a socialist sport, which is why Euros (and rich liberal Americans) enjoy it.

Baseball on the flip side, is the ultimate sport for winners, losers, triumph and embarrassment. There is a definitive result each pitch, each batter, each inning. Kids at the plate or in the field are out in the open, on the great stage to succeed or fail, as Americans enjoy. There is nowhere to hide when you commit an error or strikeout. There’s also unadulterated glory when you make a diving catch or crack a key base hit.

Nowhere is the ineptitude of soccer in America more evident than Britain’s David Beckham, who has been by all accounts a miserable failure: He makes more money than nearly any American athlete, was ceremoniously welcomed by Hollywood’s cult of fools and, like a good Euro, has underachieved. He’s also shown no leadership, as his team plummets each season. Reportedly, he avoided calling for team meetings and recently has looked for ways out of America to return to Eurabia. Thankfully, he won’t be granted his wish. ESPN has abandoned its soccer coverage and attendance, even with Beckham, is down. Good. Americans prefer not to have things forced upon them. Let us decide. And we have.

It should be noted that Americans don’t completely deplore international competition. Though perhaps not on par with the rest of the world, millions of Americans do enjoy the Olympics, and even the World Cup—every four years.

And the second annual World Baseball Classic that begins next week across the planet, was wildly popular in 2006.

The US plays Italy in the WBC while I am in Rome, and I’ll be sure to don a USA cap. Most of Italy’s players, after all, are Americans with Italian ancestry. They don’t play baseball in Europe, even though the rest of the world, especially Latin America and Asia, cannot get enough of America’s pasttime. Telling.

You’re welcome for that information. Now, Continentals, please try harder to re-acquire Beckham, and take your overrated sport with you, mates.

Ari Kaufman

Posted by Ari Kaufman on 2/24/09

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