Play My New Board Game: "Nukopoly"
By James T. Moore (08/23/07)
Nukopoly may not be as much fun for kids (or adults, for that matter), as Monopoly, but hey, every game that's invented can't become wildly successful. The best games, however challenging and exciting, have to involve something more than just money to become a hit--- like human lives And Nukopoly does that in spades.
That’s why I predict that this game will soon be a huge success. In fact, there are already millions of people standing by, waiting anxiously for Nukopoly to hit the streets. And I’m doing my best to get it there.
The object of Nukopoly is to see who can hide the most nuclear weapons before one player goes berserk and touches off a world-devastating nuclear Armageddon. Nukopoly is played on a board with squares around its perimeter, like Monopoly. Each player’s piece has a different shape. Players take turns taking the top card from the deck and moving the number of squares shown on the card, then following instructions on the square.
Allow me to demonstrate how it’s played.
There are four players. In this case, The United Sates, North Korea, Iraq, and Iran. The U.S. piece is shaped like the Statue of Liberty; the North Korean piece like a hammer & sickle; the Iran piece like a camel with a turban; and Iraq, a bombed-out mosque. The game is played by moving your piece around the board as many ties as you can without landing on the square called Nuclear Armageddon. The player who goes the most times around the board without setting off a nuclear explosion, wins.
On with the Game!
U.S.-- move 4 squares. It reads: TOO ANXIOUS TO START PLAYING. WAIT FOR NEXT TURN. MEANTIME, THREATEN ONE OF THE OTHER PLAYERS.
IRAN-- move 6 squares. It reads. SEND YOUR SPENT NUCLEAR FUEL RODS ABROAD AS A PLOY. THEN RESTART YOUR NUCLEAR PROGRAM
IRAQ -- move 1 square. It reads: NEVER HAD WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. AMERICAN TROOPS BLOWING UP EVERYTHING ANYWAY---JUST TO MAKE SURE
N.KOREA --move 7 squares It reads: SHOW THEM YOUR NUCLEAR REACTOR, BUT INSIST IT IS ONLY USED TO GENERATE ELECTRICITY
U.S.-- move 5 squares. It reads: PUT TWO BATTLESHIPS IN THE PERSIAN GULF TO SHOW OTHER PLAYERS YOU MEAN BUSINESS
IRAN -- move 2 squares. It reads: ANNOUNCE THAT YOU HAVE NO WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. IF IRAQ CAN SAY THAT, SO CAN YOU.
IRAQ -- move 11 squares. It reads: SELL CONFISCATED AMERICAN WAR MATERIAL TO SOME FOREIGN COUNTRY. THEN USE THE MONEY TO RE-BUILD DESTROYED PALACES.
N.KOREA -- move 3 squares. It reads: RE-INSTALL U.N. SURVEILLANCE CAMERAS, BUT CAP THE LENSES, AND BURY THIS CARD IN THE DECK.
U.S. -- move 9 squares. It reads: BOAST THAT YOU CAN EASILY FIGHT A TWO-FRONT WAR. TELL THEM YOU DID IT IN WORLD WAR II, AND SUFFERED ONLY 295,OOO CASUALTIES
IRAN -- move 3 squares. It reads: RUSSIA IS HELPING YOU BUILD MORE NUCLEAR PLANTS. MOVE UP 6 SQUARES. BUT DO IT WHILE OTHERS ARE HAVING A CONFERENCE
IRAQ -- move 2 squares. It reads: YOU GOT CAUGHT COLLABORATING WITH AMERICAN POLITICIANS. ON THE WAY TO JAIL, FIRE UP YOUR OIL WELLS LIKE SADDAM HUSSEIN DID
N.KOREA -- move 9 squares. It reads: WHILE THE WORLD IS PRE-OCCUPIED WITH THE MID-EAST FIGHTING, IT’S TIME TO CONSIDER THE “N” OPTION.
U.S. -- move 10 squares. It reads: THE POPE SAYS WAR CAN BE AVERTED DESPITE TERRORISM. GO BACK 2 SQUARES. BUT RATCHET UP THE RHETORIC.
N.KOREA -- move 3 squares. It reads: A RINGING ALARM SAYS THAT A NUCLEAR BOMB IS HEADING YOUR WAY. PRESS THE RED BUTTON. QUICK!
IRAN: Wait a minute! You jumped the gun! It’s not your turn!
IRAQ: Allah, help us! Whatever you do, don't move your piece!!
U.S: YOU DAMN FOOL! YOU TRIGGERED NUCLEAR ARMAGEDDON!! GOD HELP US, WE’RE DOOMED!! THE WORLD IS…….
BOOM!!!
Total Devastation. World in ashes. Millions dead. Life on Earth is over. The End.
Aw, what the hell, it’s only a game, isn’t it?
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