Down With the Internet, Too Much Truth
By James T. Moore (04/14/07)
President George Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney met secretly in the Oval Office for a brief meeting. The subject was about a communications problem. It had to do with a certain medium and the negative impact it was having on the administration's plans and objectives, especially where it concerns Iraq and Afghanistan.
A transcript of what was said at the meeting was extremely difficult to obtain, but with persistence—and an “inducement” or two--- we were able to secure a copy of what transpired. Please use discretion in discussing its content.
BUSH: Thanks, Dick, for joining me this morning. This shouldn’t take too long. I want to talk about the Internet problem.
DICK: The Internet has a problem?
BUSH: No, Dick, the Internet IS the problem. It’s killing us. And I want something done about it. And quick!
DICK: What do you want done, Mr. President?
BUSH: I want the Internet squashed---put out of business---for good.
DICK: Why? It’s telling people about the progress we’re making in Iraq and Afghanistan, isn’t it?
BUSH: Yeah, but it’s also giving them the other side of the story. Like, how calling up more troops may be a big mistake; how we think we may have crossed a “red line” by knocking out a holy mosque or two, and how we’re secretly making plans to pull out of Iraq if things get much worse.
DICK: But all that is true, isn’t it?
BUSH: That’s not the point. There is one thing I won’t be guilty of as president, and that’s giving the people too much truth.
DICK: You don’t think they can handle it?
BUSH: Don’t be funny, Dick. I mean WE can’t handle it. If people keep hearing the truth on the Internet about our screw-ups, the people will be demanding that we bring the troops home immediately. They might even demand our heads.
DICK: And we certainly don’t want that, do we?
BUSH: Not if I want to get my hands on more oil, and keep your reconstruction money rolling in.
DICK: Or if we want to keep our plan secret for taking over of the whole Middle East, right?
BUSH: Now you’re talkin’, Dick.
DICK: But as you know, Mr. President, the Internet is used by millions of Americans and people around the world to talk with each other. How do we shut down a communication system as big as that?
BUSH: That’s what I got you for. I’m giving you the job of figuring out how to shut the damn thing down.
DICK: Hmm. Hey, I have an idea, sir. Let’s let Gonzales do it.
BUSH: You mean Alberto?
DICK: How many Gonzaleses are on the payroll?
BUSH; We can’t use, Alberto. He’s in hiding these days.
DICK; Right, sir, But I’ll find him. He’s the only one who can close down the whole Internet system quick and easy. No more pictures, no more opinions, no more alternative news.
BUSH: How’ll he do that?
DICK: Easy. He’ll announce that the Internet is being shut down for “national security” reasons. People buy crap like that all the time. Gonzales has used the same “national security” ploy for getting rid of anything that bugs him. No reason he can’t do the same thing with the Internet.
BUSH: Now, THAT’S how to keep the truth from getting out. I knew when I picked you for Vice President that it was the right decision. You’re doing a great job, Dick.
DICK: Thank you, sir. But you don’t have to lie to me. I’m on your side, remember?
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NOTE: If it weren’t for the Internet, the American people would be stumbling around in the dark trying to find out how this devious President and his cow-towing administration is destroying America. Where else can they get the truth?
James T. Moore
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