Easter Saturday Cross Reflections
By J. Grant Swank Jr. (04/07/07)
When one carries the daily cross, one does not sit up surprised when another trouble comes along. Cross carrying adjusts one's senses to expect the unexpected dilemma. It is the day without trouble that is amazing, not the day with trouble.
"Beloved, do not be surprised at the ordeal that has come to test you. . .you are sharing what Christ suffered; so rejoice in it." I Peter 4:12
Saints are forever in trouble. Such is our toughening up ground here below prior to moving into the perfect bliss of heaven. This probationary period is necessary to prove our mettle and provide comfort for others on the journey.
Therefore, do not be startled when difficulties pound against your day. Commit each one to God; ask Him to help you in bearing up under the load, thus learning another lesson in the chapter of the surrendered life.
In fact, dealing honorably with trouble is another badge on the Christian's armor. When we wear such insignia, we give testimony to the fact that we are of the beloved army for holiness truth.
We will have plenty of time not to fight against the wrong. There will be the eternal scene where there is no wrong to contest. But for now, there is much ground to gain, much to war against, and much victory to experience.
Therefore, ". . .rejoice in it. . ." Why? Because God owns your cross; therefore, He owns the battle. Further, this warring allows you to love your enemy, pray for your enemy, and watch God deal with your enemy according to His own wise judgment.
In addition, the holiness battle allows you the privilege of sharing in the sufferings of Christ Jesus. Paul reminds us of this pleasure in his letters. None of the past believers were worth their station unless they had been bloodied up somewhat. Therefore, be careful that your days do not become too hectic-free.
The gladness in carrying the cross comes when we finally abandon all of life to God, the caretaker of the cross. Total relinquishment is such a sweet morsel.
An especially agonizing cross for my wife and me to carry was dealing with our wayward teen son, Jay. When we adopted Jay, he was two and a half months old. The only details we knew about his birth parents were some medical specifics provided by his birth mother to the social worker.
Bringing Jay into our family was such a joy. We were rightly proud the first Sunday we introduced our new son to our church family. He was our second child, Crystal having been born previously. After Jay, Heidi would be born to us.
All went so well in Jay's younger years that, when he grew into his mid-teens, it was difficult for me to deal with his full-blown rebellion. He had known love from both family and friends. Our home was Christian. It enjoyed the climate of God's presence.
Therefore, when our only son ran away on occasion, got into trouble with the police and scoffed at our lifestyle, we felt a hurt that no one could express in words. Time and time again we would reach out to him, yet he would pull back from us to go with the undesirables.
I never dreamt that life could be so bleak. Hardly a day went by that Jay did not plunge us into confusion and pain. He would knock holes in walls, throw furniture across the room, and bash in a door, scowl and curse.
I had had dreams upon dreams for our three children. I had not expected everything to go perfectly; yet I had never prepared my heart for the scars it was having to endure because of our handsome but terribly unruly son.
As to his schooling, we tried everything: public, Christian and then homeschooling. None seemed to work. Jay admitted to no other authority than himself: no principal, teacher, parent, and policeman. No one.
We arranged counseling for Jay. We prayed with him. We disciplined him. We hugged him. We pleaded with him. Yet his own unwise choices and his devil-may-care peers drew him away from our hearts time and time again.
Realizing that we were legally responsible for his behavior until he turned l8, we knew nowhere to turn for long-term help. For a time, he lived out of state with friends; that proved exceptionally helpful. Yet that season came to an end. Then we were confronted with his impossible turnabouts all over again.
Every family trip was ruined by his outbursts. Because he was physically more powerful than I, I was limited as to what final control I had over this large fellow. Therefore, more times than not, we had to endure his unpredictable schemes.
I would lie awake night after night wondering what to do. I did not know if he had sneaked out of the house, made arrangements for a midnight pickup at the nearby intersection or simply sauntered away possibly for good.
Further, he was addicted to violent videos. He would watch them for hours at a time, usually in a totally dark room. How would they act themselves in his own life? I wondered.
As far as doing work while being schooled, he would stay on a job for about three weeks. During that stint, he would perform exceptionally well. Yet peers were the magical magnet which would pull him away from responsibility. There simply was no accountability, as far as Jay was concerned.
Some nights were interrupted with those dreaded calls from police. Or the cruiser's lights swung against our home in the dark. Or getting out of bed, dressing hurriedly and driving into the city in search of my son.
There was no use in scolding my son, unless I wanted a car window bashed in.
I recalled in years past when seeing others' children acting undisciplined, I would think to myself: "If that were my child, I would. . ." With Jay, I knew that there are some parent-child situations which have no answers. That was a very hard fact to face, especially since my wife and I do not favor permissive behavior.
"My God, when will this nightmare end?" I cried out over and over again.
Then I would look up to see him walk through the front door after having been away for several days. His facial features were perfect. That broad smile was particularly captivating. His body was muscled.
His winsome personality was so overwhelming when not taken over by the sinister spirits. When Jay would meet friends for the first time, they would often comment on how attractive his personality was. He could be adorable, playful, soft-spoken and exceptionally courteous. Yet when out of control, watch out!
"He is on a course of self-destruction," I would tell my wife.
Other parents with difficult children would come to talk with us. Together we were beside ourselves as to practical strategy. Talk, talk, talk, but no real solution that would connect.
However, one bottomline that I held to finally proved to be one that did work: no one can ultimately make any other person do anything. Nevertheless, we can pray for that other person's will to change for the good.
Therefore, I entered into my greatest struggle as a parent: I gave up trying to coerce Jay to do anything or be anyone. After all, our family had lived out our faith as well as any Christians could; therefore, we were relieved of guilt in knowing that.
Consequently, I gave myself to pulling back each day in order to give Jay to his own destiny. It was so hard for I wanted to jump into his skin and make him "come out right." But I could not do that any more than the Father could force His will on Adam and Eve, or Jesus could force His will on Judas. Mortals are made with free wills; with free wills they make their own futures.
Finally, I explained this to Jay. Then it was that I surrendered my son to God completely.
That meant watching my son go off one more time with some low-lifes on an extended run-away to a nearby city. Time went by; we heard nothing. Was he alive? Had he left the state? Where was Jay headed?
Then the phone call came. It was Jay. He was in jail.
"But don't worry. I didn't do anything and so I will be out soon."
But there was no "soon." Instead there were five years in a federal facility.
With that, Jay began to take stock of his life. "I had been going so fast, I had not taken time to figure out what was going to happen to me," my son told me.
"Your sin put you in jail," I wrote him. "The devil paid you with his salary check of death.
"You could have lost your life 'out there.' But instead, you are still alive. You are not injured. You can still think and decide. So there is much hope for you. God wrestled you to the jail floor in order to set your soul free in Jesus. It is now your choice to commit solely to the life in Jesus--completely. I pray you make the eternally right choice."
The cross we as parents carried was crushing. But we carried it by the grace of God.
Bear up under your cross. Cherish it, knowing that God has blessed it. In that is your present gladness, midst sadness. In that will be your song of overcoming gladness as the testing passes.
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